Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Party Like It's 2009?

The Dow passes the 10,000 mark for the first time in a year and everyone is giddy, especially those hard working stiffs on Wall Street.

It was a tough year for the Wall Street bunch. They had to fight hard to get the bailouts they rightly deserved and now they're getting some bad press coverage over compensation they're doling out.

The nerve of those Main Street paupers! Don't they understand how hard it is on Wall Street? You have to get up early in the morning, listen to all those analysts, call your buy-side clients and sell them all the crap you don't believe in. It's the toughest job on earth.

And what's Joe and Jane Taxpayer so upset about? So they lost their jobs, can't get a loan for their small business, can't get financing to buy a new car, are struggling to make their mortgage payments and feed their kids.

Don't worry about it. In the social hierarchy, the banksters need to be fed first. That's the way things work. Once they're done trading away your pensions and all that money the Fed has lent them at zero interest, they might open up credit to the rest of society who don't have the politicians in their back pockets.

Yes folks, in due time, all that wealth will trickle down to the peasants who have to work for a living. Just be patient. Oh, you're hungry now? Facing a tough Christmas? Don't worry, those good Samaritans at Goldman Sachs are considering a billion dollar donation to charity. God bless their golden hearts. We need more good bankers like them.

What else can you do? Stop being so cynical and pessimistic, listening to smart economists like Paul Krugman. What do they know? Economists have predicted five of the last two recessions.

You're better off listening to kings of finance, like Blackstone's CEO who sees "more than greenshoots". Those private equity kingpins know what they're talking about and if they see "more than greenshoots," then good times are right around the corner.

And what about those pension parrots? I can't wait to hear them all sing the chorus on how they made money in 2009 as stocks roared back from March lows. All that "added value" has to be well compensated, even if it's nothing but (leveraged) beta.

Of course, I am being sarcastic in this post. My father listened to the news on Wall Street bonuses and asked me "have they no shame?". No dad, they have no shame. You see while you're working hard ten hour days for over forty years trying to help mentally ill patients get back on their feet, the psychos on Wall Street are going about their puny, ineffectual lives. I can hear Henry Miller rolling over in his grave!

***UPDATE: Bonus Trouble?***

Rob Shapiro of the Huffington Post asks, Who Really Will Pay for Goldman Sachs' $23 Billion in New Bonuses? Jeremy Warner of the London Telegraph reports Bonus trouble as Goldman Sachs clocks record revenues.

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