Don't Mess With Greek Banksters?

Reuters reports, JPMorgan passes stress test; dividend rise, buybacks okayed:

JPMorgan Chase & Co (JPM) became the first bank on Tuesday to say regulators have completed stress tests of its balance sheet and approved a dividend increase and stock buybacks.

The bank said it will raise its quarterly dividend by a nickel to 30 cents and buy back as much as $12 billion of stock this year.

The announcement came two days before the Federal Reserve was originally scheduled to announce results of stress tests for 19 U.S. bank holding companies.

JPMorgan shares surged on the news and closed up more than 7 percent at $43.39.

The bank said in a statement that the Federal Reserve has informed the company that it did not object to its plans to distribute capital.

"We are pleased to be in a position to increase our dividend and to establish a new equity repurchase program," chief executive Jamie Dimon said in the announcement. "We expect to generate significant capital and deploy that capital to the benefit of our shareholders."

Dimon has said in the past that many banks will have more capital than they need as customers pay back loans and losses from the financial crisis subside. While his view would seem to contradict requirements that banks meet higher capital thresholds by 2019, the approval of JPMorgan's distributions indicates regulators decided the bank has enough capital to make the payouts and meet the new thresholds.

The bank said it may not buyback all of the stock approved, depending on market conditions.

The folks over at Zero Hedge are gasping for air, claiming the Fed had to accelerate bank stress test results following JP Morgan's disclosure. Zero Hedge also published an open letter to Jamie Dimon by one James Koutoulas who basically called Dimon an 'egocentric bully'.

Investors shrugged off all this nonsense and JP Morgan Chase shares rallied more than 7% today after the news was disclosed (click on image to enlarge):

In fact, JP Morgan Chase shares are up more than 52% since November 21st as they've been ripping up along with other financials. Stocks in general are doing well, especially homebuilders and financials.

What's the moral of the story? Never mess with banksters, especially Greek banksters. They know how to profit off money for nothing and risk for free and when push comes to shove, they'll take it all.

By the way, that pic up there is someone calling Jamie Dimon telling him about all the useless crap Zero Hedge is posting on their website. Dimon's response: "Don't worry, I'll fuck Tyler Turden and the rest of those ZH short-selling turds when they least expect it!"

Below, Christina Romer, former head of President Obama's Council of Economic Advisers, talks with Aaron Task on Yahoo's Daily Ticker. Romer thinks the Fed needs to do a lot more to promote growth, lamenting about the Fed's "missed opportunity".